why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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