Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
