Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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