I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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