i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
