i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
