"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
