I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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