Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
