i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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