With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
