if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
