That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
