I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
