i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
