I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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