i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
