I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
