the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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