I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
