She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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