He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
