You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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