Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
