If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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