Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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