Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
