I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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