Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
