Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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