that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize