as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
