So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
