I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
