dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
