When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
