apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
babies were throwing up all over the place
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
