Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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