Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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