thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
