I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
