i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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