This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
