I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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