sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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