addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
