my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize