im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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