She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
