WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
