I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
