I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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