Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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