I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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