I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
