Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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