can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize