she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
