my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
