i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
