somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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