Soap is not a condiment
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
