evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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