There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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