I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
