hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
