apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
