Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
