He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize