I just cut my nipple shaving
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
