I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
