He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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