I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
