My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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