Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
