then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
