my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
