We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
