Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
4 words: hood of his car
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
