tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
