im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
