Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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