I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize