I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
