i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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