Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
