Cold hands, warm shart.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
