Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
