cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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