I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize