So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
