Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
