No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
