got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
